


Uxoricide

by GeorgeCantWrite



Series: Ethan Dolori and the Various AUs [2]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Background Carl & Original Male Character(s), Blood, Coming Out, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Misgendering, Non-consensual surgery, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-25 12:21:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19745674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeorgeCantWrite/pseuds/GeorgeCantWrite
Summary: A lot happened to him in a few short months. The realisation of his gender, the murder of his mother, and the hardship of trying to find a name that fitted him. Ethan Dolori's life had taken a surprising turn, and he wasn't sure how he felt about it.





	Uxoricide

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a little AU-ish fic I've been thinking about for a while, and wanted to get it out. After the reveal of Alden as a character on TWD, I kept thinking about the multitudes of possible ways his and Ethan's characters could interact. Sadly no Carl and Ethan pairing like the main fic aside from friendship. Feedback would be lovely, please enjoy!

It had taken a while to figure out what the feelings and thoughts were. But it all made sense once the pieces had been put together. He wasn’t a girl. The name he had been given was wrong, the identity he had was wrong. He was a _boy_. It made sense; all the confusing feelings he had made sense. The feelings he felt, the way his skin crawled in certain ways were understandable. He may have been born with a female body, but it didn’t make him any less of a boy. The relief as he figured out what he was - it was _intense_ , but now he knew what he had to do.

But now wasn’t the time to think about those things. His father wasn’t happy, and it echoed around him.

He, alongside his brother and friend, were hiding away in a small room. Their small group had found a dingey building, and the three were hiding on the second floor. Jason and Min-seo, his parents, were on the same floor, though a few rooms away. He wondered if they were lucky to be so far away from Jason, or if it was unlucky for Min-seo.

“Hey,” he said, pulling his little brother close. Eli was crying and went willingly into his brother’s arms. “We’re gonna be OK. He’ll go to sleep soon and then we’ll be safe.” He pressed a kiss to his brother’s head, shaking. Beside him, Alden stirred, waking up. He looked confused before he heard Min-seo shout out. He wished he could take out his hearing aids, but he was too scared to. It wasn’t a good idea to take away what little hearing he had while Jason was angry.

“How long has he -?”

He shrugged, seeing the look in Alden's eyes. “Not that long. Dad was tired. He’ll stop soon,”

Alden nodded, then opened his arms. The boy shifted and laid down; head pillowed by Alden’s arm. Eli was curled up on his chest, small hands gripping his clothes tightly. Alden put his other arm around him, pressing their foreheads together. He felt only minutely safer now that Alden was awake. “We’ll be OK. Promise. Don’t know how, but we will,”

He didn’t think so. He hadn’t even thought of a new name for himself. Isaac, maybe? There were so many possible names, but he needed to find one that fitted _him_. He wondered how Alden and Eli would react - would they be fine with it or would they be angry? “When we are, I have something to tell you. Not safe to say it now,”

Alden frowned at him but nodded. “We’ll find a safe place – a community. Then we can talk and be safe and-and it’ll be fine.”

The three flinched, jumping up when they heard Min-seo scream. He felt Alden’s arms around him, the shuddering breath on his neck. Min-seo was still screaming, before it got muffled and then there was nothing.

“D-d-did Dad kill Mom?” Eli asked, body shaking so hard against his that it shook his bones.

He looked at his brother. “We need to be quiet. A game of hide and seek, yeah? But we have to keep moving,” he glanced over at Alden, eyes brimming with tears. Alden nodded, leaned over and kissed his forehead and got up, sneaking out of the room. The door shut silently behind him.

Pulling his brother to his feet, he moved towards the windows, looking out into the dark night, rucksacks strapped against their backs. It was a bit of a drop, but they could do it. Eli was gripping him so painfully he thought he’d bleed. “We can’t do that!” Eli said, grabbing his brother’s neck. “I can’t do it.”

“You can hold onto me. Like a monkey, yeah? We-we can’t go out there, Dad’ll see us and get mad,”

They both looked around, alarmed when the door opened and closed again, but it was just Alden. He was holding some rope and looked terrified.

“We’re getting the fuck out of here,” Alden said, locking the door, pushing up a chair against the handle. Together, he and Alden tied the rope up against one of the support beams, throwing the end over the ledge. Both of them were shaking, and they could hear a blade against the concrete floor outside of their room. “You and Eli go first,” Alden said, looking at him. “If he breaks through, I’ll – I’ll stop him.”

“No, come with me,” he said, grabbing Alden’s hand, holding on tightly; if he didn’t let go, maybe Alden would stay. “He’ll kill you. We – we just lost Mom. D-don’t leave us too.” His eyes burned from the tears, the fear of losing Alden. He couldn’t lose Alden; he wasn’t sure what he’d do if he did. Even though Alden had been with them for a few short months, it had been enough for him to embed himself in his friend's life.

“I don’t think you understand that I would die for you,” Alden said, squeezing his hand. The door handle was jerked, and then there was a slamming against the door. Jason’s angry voice followed soon after.

He shook his head. “I’d prefer it if you lived for me.”

For half a second, he thought that Alden was going to kiss him. But then he gave him a smile and let go of his hand. “Go. I’ll be right behind you.”

Not knowing what else to do, he turned around and grabbed Eli, who clung to him. Eli’s arms around his neck, legs around his waist, he grabbed the rope and pulled himself over the ledge. Eli whimpered, trying not to cry, face pressed against his neck. He did his best not to give himself rope burn as he moved down the rope. He looked up at the loud bangs, and then Alden was on the rope too. He looked down and saw he had gotten low enough and dropped.

Landing on his feet, he did a tumble, making sure not to hurt himself or his brother. Eli climbed down, allowing his brother to reach for the bow he had. Eli offered some arrows from the quiver he had.

“C’mon, Al,” he muttered, tension running through his body. There was an almighty crash above them and then Alden flinched, jerking on the rope.

Pulling Eli with him, they hid in the shadows underneath the building. The rope swayed in front of them, Jason’s shouting above them. Alden came into view and he rushed to them, hiding with them.

“You made me kill her!” Jason shouted. “I know you’re out there, and I’m gonna fucking kill you!”

There was a clambering noise above them, and the sound of running footsteps faded into the building. He grabbed Eli’s hand and sprinted forwards, Alden running beside him as they ran away from where Min-seo had been killed.

* * *

He was wheezing, unable to breathe properly. Eli fell down beside him, and he soon followed. Behind him, he heard Alden collapse against a tree, sliding down it.

“Th-think we – lost him,” he said between breaths.

“We need – to find – somewhere for the – night,”

But first, they needed to get their breath back.

Once they had, Alden led the way, Eli between them. It was quiet as they made their way through the forest, trying to find somewhere to stay. It was still dark, so they were alert, trying to hear any of the dead. They had been incredibly lucky to find that no walkers had found them.

“There,” Alden said, jogging ahead to a little cabin. The two brothers raced after him, trying to keep up. Alden flashed his light inside, looking over at his companions, grinning at them. “Empty. No dead, no people.”

The three entered, seeing it was in fact empty. He shut the door behind him, and Eli made his way to the lone chair. It had thick pillows on it, and Eli was asleep as soon as he laid down.

Alden dropped his gear, leaning against the mantelpiece as he slid down, back against the door.

“Hey, you OK?” Alden asked. He looked up to see Alden looking at him. “C’mere.”

He willingly moved towards him; letting Alden pull him into his lap. He hid his face in the skin of Alden’s neck, shaking from tears and the crash from the adrenaline. But he felt safe with Alden with him.

“I’m sorry,” Alden said quietly. He nodded, holding onto Alden a little tighter.

* * *

Alden returned, canned food and water bottles full. The sun was setting, and Eli was reading a book on the bed. He had been a bundle of nerves, worried about Alden and worried about what they would say when he told them he was a boy. He didn’t know what he would do if the people he cared about the most didn’t accept him.

“Your face is doing a thing,” Alden said, locking the door before he came and sat beside him. “What’s wrong?” He looked up at him, feeling suddenly overwhelmed by fear and anxiety. “Hey, hey, there’s no need to cry. What is it?” Alden moved closer, hand coming out to rest on his shoulder. Alden held his gaze for a short second before he couldn’t look at him anymore.

He sighed and looked up at the ceiling, trying so hard not to cry. “I have to tell you something. Both of you.” He heard Eli shut the book in his hands, then came and sat in front of them. He took a few deep breaths, unable to look at either of them. “I’m – I’m not a girl. I’m a boy.”

He bit his lip and looked at his brother and friend. Eli was frowning, processing it. “You’re a boy?”

“I-I was born with the wrong things, but yeah. I’m a boy. It took me a while to-to figure it out, but I wanted you both to know.” He looked over at Alden, holding back the tears. “Please don’t hate me,”

Alden looked at him, seemingly hurt that he would ever think he’d hate him. “I could never hate you. You say you’re a boy, then you’re a boy. I still love you regardless.” Alden appeared to expect him to jerk forwards and pull him into a tight hug. Alden hugged him back just as tight. “You don’t have to be afraid of me. I will never hurt you; I will always be here for you.”

“What’s your name then?”

“What?” he looked around at his little brother. “My name?”

Eli shrugged. “You’re a boy. You don’t have a boy name. What’s your name?”

“I don’t know. Isaac?”

“That’s a white boy’s name,” Eli said, eliciting a laugh out of both his brother and Alden. “What about Ethan?”

He raised an eyebrow. “And that’s not a white boy’s name?” he asked. Eli shook his head, unable to stop smiling. He looked over at Alden. “My name’s Ethan, then,”

Alden grinned. “Ethan and Eli Dolori. The best guys I know.”

* * *

“Ethan,” Alden said, voice lilting at the end of his name. Ethan looked over, still getting used to his new name. Alden returned the look, a soft smile on his face. “I like it more than your old one. It suits you.” Ethan smiled; he felt incredibly lucky to have people he loved be understanding and accepting of him.

“Alden,” he said, mimicking the way Alden said his name, and Ethan swore he could see Alden blush slightly. He stood up, and Alden quickly copied his movements. He looked oddly shy, reaching out for Ethan’s hands. Ethan slipped his hands into Alden’s. He was surprised when Alden pulled him closer before having them both sway together. “Really?” he asked, though did deign to sway along too. “Dancing?”

“You’re a new man. Thought I could dance with you.” The simple reference to Ethan being a _man_ had him grinning.

“But there’s no music.”

“Doesn’t matter. Would you prefer I sing?” Alden said, eyebrow raised. Ethan shook his head but was smirking slightly. “Thought as much.” He lifted his left arm, Ethan’s right, and he went underneath them twirling around. “I’d let you do that to me, but you’re too short,”

Ethan looked unimpressed at that. “You’re really fine with me being this?”

Alden nodded. “You’re not a girl. It never felt right when Jason introduced you as one. You’re already looking more comfortable.” He pulled Ethan close their arms going around each other.

“What’re we gonna do?” Ethan asked quietly. “We can’t stay here. Jason’ll find us. We need to get moving.”

“Tomorrow, we’ll set off again,” Alden said, nodding slightly. He lowered his head and rested his forehead against Ethan’s. “There’s gotta be a place nearby. We’ll find somewhere, we can be safe. Warn them about Jason so that he won’t be allowed in. We’ll be safe, me, you and Eli.”

Ethan closed his eyes momentarily. “All I could ask for.”

It felt like the mood shifted. He could feel the nerves in Alden’s body. Ethan bit his lip slightly as Alden pulled away slightly. Their eyes met and Ethan felt his mouth go dry. There was a heavy pause before Alden leaned down and kissed Ethan’s forehead. Ethan’s heart was in his throat as Alden lowered his head, kissing Ethan’s nose and cheeks before he paused once more. Ethan could practically _hear_ the blood in his ears. He could feel Alden’s breath on his face, could feel the heat radiating from him. Then Alden kissed him. It was a simple press of mouths, but it took the air from Ethan’s lungs. He moved his arms to around Alden’s neck, bringing him closer to him revelling in their proximity.

Alden pulled away briefly, pausing for breath before Ethan moved closer to kiss him. Alden smiled into it, putting a hand in Ethan’s hair as Ethan laughed breathlessly, smiling too.

* * *

“RUN!”

Ethan looked across at his baby brother, frantic. “ELI, RUN!” he shouted. Beside him was Alden, white as a sheet. “WE’LL FIND YOU! HEAD EAST!”

The noise of the herd was so loud. Eli gave a terrified nod and sprinted away. Most of the dead were too occupied by Ethan and Alden to pay attention to the small boy running away. Once Eli was out of sight, Alden grabbed Ethan and they ran west. They had to get away from the herd, circle around it and meet up with Eli.

Tears streaking his face, Ethan held onto Alden tightly as they ran.

Half an hour later, they paused to catch their breath.

“Al,” Ethan panted. He felt like was sobbing, but he couldn’t quite tell. He pressed his hands to his face, nails digging into his skin. Alden came and put his hands on Ethan’s wrists, gently pulling his hands away. “Eli – he’s, he’s out there by himself. W-w-we can’t –”

“I know. We’re gonna find him. Promise.” Alden said, looking around them frantically. “We’ve got to move, now.”

* * *

Alden held onto Ethan tightly as he sobbed into his chest. They hadn’t been successful in the long days they had tried to find Eli.

Alden repeated that they would find his brother.

* * *

Ethan looked at the community gates in front of them. He supposed they weren’t quite … expected. Traversing through herds required a lot of blood and guts. They barely recognised each other; they had been covered head to foot, faces hidden under layers of dirt and blood. Clasping their hands together, sticky and dry from the blood, the two entered Alexandria.

The leader was quick to meet them, standing a few feet away from the gates. Ethan kept quiet, eyes going over the area. He had spotted three weak spots in the few minutes he and Alden were inside. It looked like how things used to be, normal houses and people who didn’t suffer from night terrors or constant fear. Ethan wasn’t sure how he felt about this place. It felt a little bit fake.

The two kept themselves silent, observing those around them. They hadn’t been near so many people in what felt like years. It made Ethan’s skin crawl, and Alden squeezed his hand reassuringly. The two shared a silent look, understanding each other without words. They had gotten good at that, it helped when they were in herds of the dead.

“You two look fucking ugly,” a broad ginger haired man said. Ethan looked up at him, frowning slightly. “That ain’t gonna be comfortable, is it?”

“Better than bein’ dead,” Alden said. He looked over at the leader, a man who went by the name of Rick Grimes. “There was a herd. Separated us with his brother. We’ve been trying to find him ever since,”

Ethan didn’t squirm under Rick’s gaze. From the nod Rick gave, he guessed he passed a test. “How many walkers have you killed?”

“Don’t know,” Alden said, and Ethan jerked his head to motion his answer was the same.

“How many people have you killed?”

Ethan frowned slightly. “Three.” Alden answered with ‘two’.

“Why?”

“Protected my family.”

“I got revenge.”

Behind Rick were a few people – a boy who looked remarkably like him, and a girl a few feet away from him. There was a man with long hair and a crossbow, and a man with short curly hair too. They were analysing Ethan and Alden. It was uncomfortable, and Ethan hated his body a bit more, slouching slightly to hide what wasn’t supposed to be there. The girl and boy spoke quietly, too far for Ethan to try and read what they were saying. Ethan supposed they were talking about why Ethan and Alden were covered in blood, why they were acting so weird. He narrowed his eyes at them minutely, wondering why the boy had bandages over his face, why the girl looked so empty inside.

Rick nodded, hand on his beard. “You hand over your weapons, get cleaned up and we can have a proper conversation.” Rick looked back to the men and they came forwards. Ethan took a step back as Alden moved in front of him, ready to protect Ethan, putting up the façade that Ethan wasn’t as dangerous as Alden. They stopped, looking to Rick for answers. “Aaron’ll show you to a house where you can get cleaned up. Nothin’s gonna happen. Y’all are safe here.”

Alden snorted as Ethan scoffed, shaking his head. “The last time someone said that, his dad tried to kill us,”

“He tried to kill us every day anyway, I doubt that counts for much,” Ethan said, shifting back to beside him. That earned a concerned look from Rick. Ethan smiled, though thought it probably came off pretty creepy.

A few short minutes later, the man named Aaron had escorted them into the closest empty house, most of their weapons having been handed over. The stares the two had gotten on their walk to the house was unnerving.

“You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want. I’ll get Olivia to bring some food around for you, but I’ll have her wait until you’ve both been in the shower.” Aaron nodded, offering a kind smile. “We never caught your names, what are they?”

Ethan shared a look with Alden, a silent conversation over within a second. As far as either of them were concerned, they trusted his man more than the other ones they’d ever met. “I’m Alden, this is Ethan, my boyfriend,”

“Nice to meet you, Alden and Ethan,” he said, smile widening slightly before he left them to the house.

Once the door was shut, Ethan looked up at Alden. “He mentioned a shower.”

The two raced up to the bathroom, fighting over who could get the first one.

Ethan won.

* * *

Alden was laid on the wooden floor. Ethan was tucked up on the couch, frowning at the older boy. The sunlight streamed in through the window, and Ethan was hidden from outside view. “You could not be any more fucking stupid,” he said. “The couch is comfy,”

“I’m too used to sleeping on the floor,” Alden said, turning his head to look at him, then smile. “But that does look really comfy.” He got up, moving onto the sofa, moving so he was atop of Ethan. “Got our own house,” he said with a grin. Ethan smiled, laughing quietly when Alden leaned down to kiss him. He pulled him further down, both sinking into the cushions, quiet laughs the only thing to break the silence between each kiss.

“We’re gonna have to ask them for help, aren’t we?” Ethan asked when Alden pulled away.

Alden nodded his agreements, kissing Ethan’s forehead before settling down beside him. “When Rick comes around, we can ask him then.” He reached over and wiped at Ethan’s wet cheeks, the tears making their mark without warning. “Eli’s smart, he learnt from the best. He ran like he was supposed to. _Go east._ He did, and so have we. We’ll find him, I promise.”

“Yeah, I know. Just … what if we end up too late?”

“We won’t.” Alden shook his head. “We’re gonna find him. We lucked out on finding this place. Eli will too.”

Whatever was going to come next in the conversation was cut short when someone knocked on the door. Ethan raised an eyebrow at Alden. “Are you gonna get that? You’re better at talking than I am,”

Huffing dramatically, Alden got up to answer the door. A second or two later, Ethan followed, staying back a little, leaning against the counter. Alden opened the door to be greeted with Rick and the bandaged boy.

“We thought it would be better if I delivered the goods,” Rick said, holding out a basket. Alden thanked him, then moved aside so the two could come in. Alden put the basket beside Ethan, who went rifling through it, hyperaware of his movements being watched by the strangers. He sat on the counter, trying to pretend he wasn't uncomfortable.

“I assume you’re here to talk,”

Ethan smirked. “No shit.” Alden turned and gave him a look before looking back at Rick and the boy, both of whom were hiding their amusement.

“I wanted to introduce you to my son, Carl,” Rick said. Alden held out his hand and Carl shook it. Ethan leaned over and did the same, eating a fresh piece of bread at the same time. “And, of course, talk to you both. Not every day we have two kids turn up covered in blood.”

“We were looking for my brother,” Ethan said, deciding to give Alden a moment to think of the next conversation point. “About ten-years-old. Looks like me but more boyish. He’s called Eli,”

Rick looked sympathetic. “We had a kid come by a few weeks ago, he’s Korean too. He’s called Isaac.”

Ethan stopped himself from choking as he looked at Alden, who looked just as surprised as Ethan felt. “That’s fucking ridiculous,” he said, seeing the way Alden tried to hold back the smile, but couldn’t help it spread over his face. “White boy’s name my fucking _ass_ ,”

“Sorry?” Rick asked.

Ethan put the bread back in the basket. “Fucking _Isaac_ ,”

“Isaac was going to be Ethan’s name,” Alden covered. “How many ten-year-old Korean kids these days are going to be called Isaac?”

Rick conceded it. “Carl,” Carl nodded, moving past them and leaving the house.

 _“What if it is just a Korean kid called Isaac?”_ Ethan asked, slipping into his mother tongue to talk to Alden privately. Rick didn’t look like the kind of person to know Korean.

 _“Out of all the names the kid has, it happens to be the one you’d been considering for yourself,”_ Alden said. _“If it isn’t Eli, then it’s not Eli. Don’t let it upset you too much if it isn’t.”_

Ethan nodded, looking back to see Rick frowning at them. “You speak … Korean?”

“Yeah. Taught him too.” Ethan gestured to Alden, half-smile on his face. “Picked it up better than what else I tried to teach him.”

“How’re your ears?” Alden asked as Ethan got off the counter. The change was obvious to them, but left Rick frowning slightly.

Ethan shrugged a shoulder. “Drained. We need to find more batteries,”

Rick made to speak but stopped when the door opened. Carl came in, followed by a small figure. Ethan felt his heart try and beat its way out of his sternum, and then the boy’s face came into view.

Eli let out an excited shriek and ran and jumped onto Ethan, who caught him with ease. Eli’s legs wrapped around his waist tightly, arms around his neck so tight Ethan could barely breathe, but he didn’t care. Ethan wrapped his arms around his little brother, laughing and crying at the same time.

 _“I knew you’d come here!”_ Eli cried, pulling away to press his forehead against Ethan’s, the words flowing easier than English ever could. _“This place was the only safe place east. I knew you’d find me.”_

 _“I’m never letting you out of my sight again, brother.”_ Ethan replied, letting Eli hug him again, hiding his face in Ethan’s neck. Ethan looked up through his tears and saw Alden grinning so broadly, tears in his eyes too. Carl and his father were smiling faintly, expressions on their faces that showed they had an understanding.

* * *

“When you arrived, you mentioned your dad trying to kill you,” said Rick. Ethan nodded. It was them and the two men, Aaron and Daryl. Ethan knew he could trust them, but it was still uncomfortable being in a room full of men. Alden was with Eli, accompanied by Carl and the girl, they later found out was named Enid. Ethan wished he could be with them, but it was important that people know about Jason, and how deadly he was.

Ethan bit his lip nervously. “Yeah. He was –” it was hard to say, even after all this time, Ethan knew what his father was, but it was still weird to think that it had happened to him. He started the sentence again. “He was abusive. Is. Just – just before we found this place, it had been me, Eli and Alden with my mom and dad. M-my dad killed her. We ran away. He. He’s gonna try and come after us and kill us.” He looked away, breathing in deeply. “But since we ran off, he’s gonna be out for our blood even more. He was always really angry with us. So if a Caucasian man turns up looking really creepy and evil, kill him.”

Rick shared a look with Daryl. Daryl nodded then looked at Ethan. “Yeh ain’ gonna be in any danger. You and yer brother are gonna be safe.”

“Forgive me, but I’ll believe it when I see it.”

* * *

Ethan couldn’t move. Eli was asleep on top of him. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep on his brother, but after being separated, the two were a bit clingy. Apart from the times when they’d have their little spats.

“On your feet, lose your seat,” Ethan had said when Eli returned to find him sitting where he had been.

Eli would shove at Ethan and get it in return. They’d randomly shove each other in the shoulder, steal each other’s food. It was insufferable. Ethan loved it, even when he was mad with his brother, because his brother was still _alive_.

But Ethan currently couldn’t move. Alden was having the time of his life, stealing Ethan’s food, pushing things just out of Ethan’s reach.

“C’mon, dude, help me,” said Ethan, gesturing to his little brother. Alden smiled despite himself, then came and pulled Eli off him, letting Eli cling to him in his sleep. “Thanks,”

Alden just kept that smile on his face as he took Eli up to bed. He returned a few minutes later, dressed nothing but in pyjama bottoms and socks. Ethan had already changed into pyjamas before Eli had fallen asleep on him. Ethan expected it but still found it funny when Alden took Eli’s prior place, laying down on Ethan.

“You’re heavier,”

“I’m, like, twice Eli’s age and weight, what did you expect?” Alden asked, shifting a little so he wasn’t crushing Ethan with his weight, elbows on either side of Ethan. His smile was back and infectious. “We’ve hit a gold mine with this place,”

Ethan agreed. “That’s terrifying. What if shit happens?” he asked, putting a hand on the back of Alden’s neck. “Carl told me about his eye – some asshole kid shot him when a huge herd tore through here.” Carl tended to hang around Ethan a lot if everyone else was busy, they’d gotten pretty close. It was nice to have a friend in Carl. “What if a bigger one comes, or worse, Jason? He can’t be the only bad guy out there –”

Alden cut him off. “Then we’ll get through it. These people have faced herds before – if Carl can survive being shot in the fucking face, then they can survive a bigger herd. If Jason comes here, there’s lookouts who have his description. Rick won’t let him in, he’ll have you there to know if he’s got the right guy. And if we come across worse guys? We’ve dealt with Jason. Now we have a whole fucking community with us. Ain’t so bad now.”

It was silent for a moment before Ethan broke it. “I think I’m just worried about Eli’s future. He’s just a kid. I don’t want him having to fight to live every day. He deserves to be a normal kid.”

“This is his normal now. He’s just a little kid, but this world isn’t the one we grew up in.” Alden sighed, shutting his eyes momentarily as Ethan messed with the hair closest to his neck. “Aaron and Eric and Daryl, they’ll look out for us too. We’re safe here.”

Ethan nodded, then pulled Alden close enough to kiss him.

* * *

People visited the three of them. It was mostly Maggie and Glenn, both of whom seemed enamoured with Eli. It was nice to see Eli get out of his shell.

Glenn got along well with Ethan, both learning from each other from their experiences. Once Glenn had found out that Ethan was transgender, he’d gone on a run and found a binder for him. It meant more than what Ethan could put into words. He hoped the hug he gave Glenn gave him an inkling as to what it truly meant.

* * *

“So, how’d you get out?” Rick asked the man. The prior day, Daryl and Rick had returned with the unconscious man. Alden was beside Ethan, looking far more amused than he should be.

 _“I trust him,”_ Alden said, switching languages. _“He’s called Jesus, for fuck’s sake.”_

Ethan smirked at the way the man looked over at them, confused. _“Bet you three Big Cats he’s gay,”_

 _“I’m not one to bet like that …”_ Alden said quietly, looking over at Ethan. There was a glint in his eye that Ethan found amusing.

_“Five?”_

_“You’re on.”_

Ethan hid his snort as a cough. He scratched at his nose, partially hiding the ever-widening smirk on his face. He looked up and saw Carl was staring at them, curious.

 _“Bet you my machete that he’s got a crush on you.”_ Alden inclined his head in Carl’s direction slightly. Ethan rolled his eyes, nudging him in the ribs to shut the fuck up.

Ethan, Alden and Carl ended up staying behind, not going with Rick’s group and Jesus to Jesus’ own community. Alden occupied himself by trying his hand at baking bread. Ethan and Eli were having a blast taking the piss out of him. Carl had been invited around to their place and was mostly quiet. It hadn’t been longer before Enid had come around.

“How did you two manage to get a house to yourself?” Enid asked when things had been quiet for too long.

“Probably because I’m Asian,” Ethan said, shrugging a shoulder. “Being, like, a triple minority has its benefits.” Alden laughed to himself, washing his hands in the sink.

“What does that mean?” Carl asked, frowning at Ethan.

Alden looked up; eyebrow raised. Ethan shrugged, then looked back at Carl. “Bit too feminine to pass as a guy most days, I’m not straight and I’m Asian. Three minorities, because I’m not a straight, cis white guy,” he said, offering a smile that was just a little but fake. Carl nodded, though still looked confused. Beside him, Enid seemed to understand.

“You’re trans?” she asked. “You pass just fine to me.”

Ethan nodded, giving himself time to hold back the tears. It felt kind of weird with how much a simple sentence like that filled him with so much joy. Ethan liked Enid a little bit more.

* * *

Rick told everyone about the Saviors. The entire time, Ethan couldn’t help but think that if his father happened to find a group, it would be those people. It was scary to think about. Eli looked worried when Ethan told him that Rick would be sending a group out to go against the Saviors for Jesus’ group the Hilltop.

“You’re not going, are you?” he asked, looking at both Ethan and Alden.

The two shared a look, shaking their heads. “It’s not on us to do that, Eli,” Ethan said, letting Eli cling to his arm tightly. “Me and Al are gonna stay here with you.”

* * *

“Maggie’s hurt,” Enid said, looking at Ethan and Alden. She looked panicked; emotions displayed in her features more than ever before. “Something’s wrong with the baby, they need to take her to Hilltop.”

Ethan went with them. He had to. Maggie had been so kind to him, he felt he had to be there for her. Alden made him promise to come back as soon as Maggie had been given the all clear.

“Be safe out there,” Alden said, eyeing up Abraham, Rick and Eugene. “I want you to come back safe. Eli does too.”

“I will.” Ethan promised. Alden nodded, pulling Ethan into a tight hug. Ethan moved slightly and kissed Alden’s cheek. “Won’t even notice I’m gone.” Alden seemed a little unwilling to let Ethan go, arms lingering around him. “Hey, I’m not leaving for good. I’m just trying to help a nice woman.”

Alden nodded, though didn’t look like he liked the idea of Ethan going out there. “I love you,” he said, taking Ethan by surprise. It terrified him in the good kind of way. “You know I do, right?”

“Of course. I love you too.” Ethan felt nervous as he reached up and kissed Alden; it was the first time he’d ever kissed Alden in front of people. “I love you, and I’ll see you in a few days, tops.”

It was the first time they said that during their relationship.

That night, they met Negan.

All they could do was watch as Negan killed Abraham and Glenn. And then Negan recognised Ethan, which didn’t make any sense because they’d never met before.

“I know you,” Negan said as he crouched in front of Ethan, bloody bat pointed in his face, the blood on the end dripped onto Ethan’s thighs. “I know your _dad_.”

Ethan was sure his heart stopped. Beside him, Aaron looked even more terrified. In front of them, Negan laughed.

“Take her, her dad’ll be so happy.”

Two men behind Ethan grabbed his arms and lifted him up. They didn’t pull him far enough, as Ethan managed to kick Negan right in the face, the anger and fear enough of a motivator to fight back. The men paused, looking to Negan for instructions. Negan had a hand to his nose, then laughed when he pulled away to see blood there.

“Feisty. Put her in the truck, we’ll deal with her later.”

Ethan was too scared to correct him. His father was still alive. Ethan knew he wouldn’t live for much longer.

* * *

As punishment, Negan had the doctor mutilate Ethan’s body. The mutilation left Ethan with stitches in his chest, a makeshift surgery to get rid of the _things_ on his chest. Ethan wondered if this was cruel irony; he had wanted them off his body, but not like that. There were times where he thought that maybe Negan knew what Ethan really was and had done it on purpose. But he knew more likely than not, Negan would have killed him for being trans.

He’d thrown up several times, had bathroom troubles and was in agony, but refused to give in to the pain. Ethan had a haunting feeling that his chest had gotten infected, that maybe it would kill him if he didn’t get medical help.

But then he’d somehow made it to Hilltop, thanks to Daryl and Jesus. The ride on the motorbike felt like it had nearly killed him.

“You’re alive,” Enid said in shock. Maggie was just behind her, both of them so shocked.

“My chest hurts, please help me.”

* * *

“We thought you were dead,” Maggie said, looking at Ethan with kind eyes. She’d seen what had happened to his chest, saw their Dr Carson properly stitch his chest up, doing his best to stop the infection, and bandaged his chest. “Word got back to Alexandria, Rick was here, dropped me off and returned to tell them that they were supposed to do what Negan says. When you were taken … we thought you’d be killed.”

Ethan laughed, but it hurt his chest. “I did kick him in the face.”

Maggie huffed a quiet laugh. “You did. Rick will have told Alden and Eli what happened to you. I don’t think they’re expecting you to be alive; Rick told them your dad is a part of the group.”

“Al and Eli will think I’m dead,” he said, unable to hide his face in his hands. Movement hurt his chest, and he couldn’t risk making it worse for himself. He was basically useless. “When I was there, Negan didn’t know I’m Ethan. My dad doesn’t know. Only the people here and at Alexandria know I’m Ethan.” He blinked harshly, trying to keep himself together. He had been through so much during his time at the Sanctuary, he was surprised he hadn’t broken down since his escape. “I think that makes me in even more danger if my dad finds out. If he does, I’ll not make it out alive.”

“We’re gonna protect you, he’s not coming near you.”

Ethan nodded, missing the two people he loved the most.

* * *

Daryl and Jesus had gotten close with Ethan during his time at Hilltop. They helped him when he needed to get up and move around. Enid had also taken a liking to him more than before, talking to him more often than not. It was nice and helped when Ethan found himself in a bad place. He wasn’t sure when he and Enid had gotten to the stage of their friendship, but found their closeness was reassuring.

But then Maggie shouted for them, and then Ethan had to be helped up to get out of the trailer. His heart stopped when he saw Alden.

Alden ran to him, not giving a shit about the others as he wrapped his arms around Ethan. Ethan hugged him back as best as he could, eyes burning from unshed tears. His left hearing aid had been knocked out accidentally, but he didn’t care. Ethan could feel Alden’s heart beating and felt the safety slip back into him. Alden was his safe place. Ethan felt like he could breathe normally again.

“What happened?” Alden asked, pulling away to look at Ethan, face scarring, body slouching. Alden reached down and picked up the hearing aid, putting it back. Behind them, Rick and Daryl hugged. Alden pressed a light finger against his skin, where the scabs had started to scar on his face.

Ethan shrugged meekly. “N-Negan, he punished me. I’d kicked him in the face that night,” he gestured to his chest. “Gave me surgery. Hurt like hell. Face is Jason’s fault.”

Rick and Michonne came closer to them, overhearing everything. “He removed –?”

“I’m in agony and don’t want to talk about it.” Ethan said with a nod. He leaned against Alden; body tired from trying to stay upright and the tight embrace from Alden. Rick looked mad as he shared a look with Michonne.

* * *

Ethan and Daryl were to live at a place called the Kingdom until the Savior threat was gone. Ethan was reluctant to leave.

“Go back to Alexandria,” Ethan said to Alden the night before Ethan was supposed to leave. Maggie had made it possible for them to have their own room for the night. Ethan knew that woman knew more than she ever let on. “Make sure Eli’s safe. Tell him I’m OK, just hurt.”

Alden nodded, lifting up his hand to touch the marks in Ethan’s face. “I will.” He sniffed a little, eyes too bright. “Just … don’t want to leave you.”

“You’re not leaving me. We just have to be in different places until we can get rid of Negan,” Ethan said, hand on Alden’s elbow. “Take care of Eli for me ‘til I can come back, yeah?” Alden nodded, breathing shakily. “Hey. I love you. We’re gonna be fine.”

“Don’t say that. The last time we said that, you got taken and got hurt.”

“Don’t care. Love you.” Ethan said seriously. “Can’t get rid of me that easy,”

“Fuck – I love you so much.” Alden said, kissing Ethan a little roughly, leaving them both breathless. “With all my heart.”

* * *

Ethan found he really loved the tiger at the Kingdom.

* * *

So much had happened, Ethan found himself back in Hilltop, alongside Alden and his little brother. Ethan’s mobility had gotten better, and he could lift his arms, though couldn’t do much for long without straining himself. Not long after, everyone found out that Carl Grimes had died.

Ethan had been there to comfort Enid. He knew something had been going on between them. He hoped that if the same thing happened to him and Alden, that she’d be there for the one left behind. Ethan felt like a part of him had broken, knowing that Carl wouldn't be around with them anymore. He had been a good friend, maybe even Ethan's best friend. 

If anything, Carl’s death motivated everyone to get rid of Negan and the Saviors. And they were going to get rid of them.

* * *

“You’re coming with us, right?” Alden asked, looking over at Ethan, hand finding his. Ethan nodded, squeezing Alden’s hand. “Enid and Eli were worried you wouldn’t. I was too. You’re very determined.”

Ethan smiled weakly. “Not leaving you and Eli ever again. Besides, I think Aaron’s gonna need support. He lost Eric.” Although Ethan didn’t know Eric as well as he did Aaron, he still felt sad that the man had died. “I’d like to see Negan get what’s coming to him, but I’d like to stay with you more.” He moved so he could hug Alden, who returned the gesture. “C’mon, if we’re leaving, we’ve gotta move our asses.”

* * *

Enid was carrying the baby, Gracie, while Ethan kept an eye on Aaron. They were leaving Hilltop before the Saviors came to kill them. The woman, Tara, was staying behind to try and fend off the Saviors. Ethan and Alden shared a look before coming to help.

“You lot keep moving,” Ethan said, nodding at Enid. She gave him a sort of smile, reaching out to touch his arm briefly before she left.

“You two don’t have to,” Tara said, looking at the two boys. Ethan and Alden shrugged and cocked their guns, kneeling as they prepared themselves beside her.

“Jason Albright is with these pricks,” Alden said, glancing over at Ethan. “Enough of a reason to stay here and stop them.”

Other people – those who had been Saviors – stopped with them. Ethan heard mutters of Jason Albright, getting guns to prepare for the people who wanted to attack.

Ethan paused, frowning. He looked around, behind them. Aaron was there, but he wasn’t too good. Ethan moved beside him, still aware that something was wrong. And then Ethan was dragged up into the air. He shouted out form surprise, and then immediate pain. He tried to get free, but the hold on him was tight, and the knife being driven into his stomach brought on white hot pain.

“No!” Ethan shouted, kicking, trying to twist himself out of the iron grip. The knife was pulled out and was plunged back inside, twisted in his innards.

“ETHAN!”

There was a gunshot and Ethan fell to the floor, caught by Aaron, who looked mortified. Alden skidded on his knees beside them. Ethan looked at his belly, finding several stab wounds there, bleeding out. He let out a shuddering breath, hands going to the wounds. Aaron laid him down, trying to help stop the bleeding. He gasped, trying to see through the blinding pain.

 _“You’re gonna be fine,”_ Alden said, Korean shaky and a little broken. _“Just stay awake.”_

Ethan tried to keep himself breathing, but it was getting harder, and his head felt light, but the pain was ever present. _“Al, I – take care of Eli.”_

Alden paused, seeing the life leave Ethan’s eyes. Tears burned at his eyes as he looked at Ethan, breathing shakily. “No – no, Ethan.” He shut his eyes tightly, a sob tearing its way out of his mouth. Alden breathed in, trying to keep himself together as he turned Ethan’s head to the side, putting the knife in the back of his head.

Explosions boomed behind Alden, but he didn’t take notice. He curled in on himself, head touching Ethan’s still chest, unable to stop the ugly sobs as the reality set in. The blood on his hands was starting to dry. Aaron tentatively put a hand on Alden’s shoulder, far too aware how much pain he must be going through. But Alden didn’t feel it; he was unable to think of anything but the person he lost. He couldn't stop his crying, choking for breath as the reality set in. Tucked away in his pocket, the small metal item felt ice cold and a harrowing reminder of what could have been.


End file.
